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I would never dream of walking up to somebody on the street and asking them to be my friend. I'd also struggle to ask anyone for any kind of recommendation, unless I'd worked very closely with them over a period of time. I certainly wouldn't show my photos to friends-of-friends-of-friends, and I've little urge to send requests to nigh-on strangers that are frivolous and would waste their time.

And yet this is what the social networking phenomenon has done for us. Panic not: this isn't going to be the whining of a duffer-before-his-time complaining about how the very fabric of the planet is being torn apart by Facebook, MySpace, Bebo and their ilk. That's a conversation that's best had in the pub, and I'll gladly have it with you. No: this is the whining of a duffer-before-his-time who is wondering where all the manners have gone all of a sudden.

The internet has undoubtedly been a great enabling tool, and anything that breaks down communication barriers and allows people to interact more freely with one another has to be a good thing. But that's still little reason to throw courtesy out of the window.

Share and share alike

One of the social networking sites that I'm a member of is LinkedIn, which I signed up for while researching an article. What LinkedIn aims

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to do is bring together professionals who can then share their contacts book, trade recommendations and suchlike. All fine and dandy.

One feature of the site is to ask someone for a professional recommendation. I've no quarrel with the people who use this feature, but it's a bit presumptuous of LinkedIn to include it in the first place. A recommendation in the olden days was something of value, not just another menu option in a requirement to build up a profile. LinkedIn even tells you that your profile isn't 100 per cent complete without one. You therefore feel compelled to ask for something that surely should be given if it's to have the required value.

Facebook has many similar examples, but the one I take issue with is the use of the word 'Friend'. As much as I admire a good dose of British cheekiness, having people you've never heard of coming up to you and asking to be mates would, rightly, lead you to engage at least an element of suspicion. Yet should you turn down a friend request, you're the one that ends up feeling you're in the wrong. Why? What's wrong with saying I'd like to be your friend, but it'd be good if we were, well, real friends first? I listened to a (real) friend of mine try to tell me that it was rude to turn down a friend request on a social networking site, and nearly went purple trying to explain that the discourtesy was on the other foot, especially when the request isn't accompanied by any words other than the Confirm or Ignore buttons.

But this is the modern way. Social networking services are being built with functions that ride roughshod over common courtesies that wouldn't be hard to include. I accept that some of my musings here are a little harsh and may seem the warblings of a man who needs to get out more, but manners and courtesies do matter. Just because communication is electronic, that's little excuse for not including them.