Obviously a lot of people on the internet are confused about human motives. Why do people lie? Why do they commit suicide? Clearly a sizeable contingent of truth-seekers has turned to Google in the hope of understanding why we smoke, drink and engage in other sorts of anti-social behaviour.

Some people put a little more faith in Google than they really should. Yes, it can find your motherboard drivers. It can even find your house. But no, dude, it does not know where you left your weed. And it’s not a mind-reader — you could at least tell it the title of your damn book.

This one really brings home the breadth of the internet as an information resource. At once it can deal with the wonders of physics, geology and astronomy… and other, more earthy issues. It also indicates that a decent proportion of internauts have read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

This one too bespeaks Google’s authority as a fount of information. People seek its advice on all of life’s important matters, such as finance, technology and affairs of the heart. They also seem to think it can detect ghosts. And some people really ought to pay more attention in court.

It’s tough growing up, and trying to fathom the mysteries of the opposite gender. Luckily, today’s adolescents have the world’s largest encyclopaedia at their fingertips. Well, it’s got to be better than asking some of these questions to the girls themselves, anyway.

Of course, some boys are all too well-acquainted with the ways of females, and generally it seems they’re not impressed. Though if my brother kept saying things like this about me, I’d probably run away and turn to drink as well. I like the fact that these aren’t even questions. What are these guys expecting to find?

As boys mature, they generally warm to the idea of girls. But still they’re a troublesome gender. Girls have a tendency to come out with bizarre declarations which the rational male mind cannot comprehend. Maybe Googling the phrase in question will help you understand what she means.

This one exposes the more inquisitive, almost academic side of the online population. It’s not all me, me, me: sometimes they want a historical perspective on the events and organisations that have wasted so many lives.

Somewhere in Hollywood there’s probably a producer who’d pay good money for the rights to this one. Starring Emma Watson as the middle-class white girl who gets knocked up by a video-game playing homeboy from the wrong side of the tracks. Lil’ Wayne could be the male lead, if he’s still alive.

A comforting one to end on. No matter how bad things may be, there’s always someone worse off than you, and so clueless they are actually searching the internet for “I need to make money fast”. Perhaps it’s related to number 7. One thing, though — you, sir, do not need to register to vote.