Puzzled by an Edexcel paper that demanded his pupils produce a document containing ”a short graphic file from the internet”, our man sent a letter to the board’s experts to find out exactly what they meant.

Here’s the Expert’s reply:

I think it means small graphic file and the intention was probably purely practical to avoid learners bringing in very large files that then gave difficulties in managing or storing the final document. I don’t think that it is a critical verb and that learners should not be failed because they brought in slightly taller (ie larger) files.

It’s nice to know our kids are in such expert hands, isn’t it?

So how did our team of so-called experts do?

Top of the class was deputy editor, David Fearon, who scored a lofty 70 out of 80 – which in this day and age is probably enough to land him a scholarship at Oxford, let alone an A*. David only let himself down on his definitions of testing, extreme data and erroneous data – although given the ridiculously prescriptive marking scheme, we believe it was the answers that were erroneous, rather than David.

Staff writer Matthew Sparkes landed second place, with a creditable 67 out of 80. He fell down on his definition of the term modelling – which caught out a number of our staff – and his model of a central heating system would have incinerated the house’s residents. No Corgi badge for Matt.

News reporter Stuart Turton scored a respectable 64 out of 80. Stuart fell victim to the same tightly-marked definitions as David Fearon. Although we’re going to have him flogged for answering that a database was more likely to be used for financial modelling than a spreadsheet.

It’s a “see me after school” for peripherals editor, David Bayon, who scores a rather worrying 59 out 80. The definitions weren’t his strong point, and his rather literal definition of what is meant by the term e-mail (“electronic mail”, according to Mr B) was not looked upon kindly by the official answer scheme, which specifically ruled out such impertinence.

Meanwhile, it’s back to the bottom of the class for PC Pro’s youngest team member, Mike Jennings, who may have to be shipped back to his local comprehensive after scoring 55 out of 80. In Mike’s defence, when asked to give an advantage of using email over the post, his perfectly plausible response of “saves the trees as less paper is used” wasn’t among the official acceptable answers. Although his assertion that staff “will act totally naturally” when being observed means his appraisal is going to be an interesting exercise this year.