“Why don’t you buy an HTC Desire/Dell Streak/other-as-yet-unreleased Android handset? You can hold that any way you like!” [presumably accompanied by self-congratulatory smirk.]

In response to this, there’s one very simple reason why I won’t, at this point in time, be buying an Android handset, and it’s one that I consider to be more damning than a rare, entirely avoidable signal drop.

The story begins late last year, when PC Pro’s own Mike Jennings bought an HTC Hero. It ran Android 1.5. HTC decided to skip 1.6.

In January of 2010 Android 2.1 was finalised and released to developers. At this time HTC assured Mike that his Hero would be receiving the update soon, acutely aware that major updates to an operating system are eagerly anticipated by consumers spending large amounts on these fancy handsets. Mike was excited, bless him!

A few weeks ago – yes, in July – Mike spoke to HTC again, and they told him they’d finished their work on Android 2.1 for the Hero. Hooray! thought Mike. An update at last, and it’s only taken six months!

So he went to Orange to find out how he could get the update. But Orange hadn’t finished its part of the Android 2.1 update process. In fact, Orange still hasn’t. So Mike’s Hero still runs an operating system that’s more than a year old, and he’s entirely reliant on both his handset manufacturer and his carrier to remedy that.

Get in line

He’s unlucky. Or is he? When the Hero came out it was a fine phone, earning five stars from us. It’s entirely reasonable to expect such an excellent handset to receive the full benefit of both manufacturer and carrier’s attention over its lifetime. You’re signing up for an 18-month (or more) contract after all. But each time HTC [or any other manufacturer] releases a newer, shinier and more popular handset, the rest move back in the queue.

How do you know, when you buy an Android handset, that you’ll get the updates you’re surely entitled to? When Apple updates iOS, I get it at the same time as every other iPhone owner. Being a closed shop has its huge drawbacks, which I can totally understand as reasons not to buy Apple - but it also makes updating the phone a breeze.

There are plenty of other examples. If you bought the original Acer Liquid in the UK back in January, you’ll have been updated to Android 2.1 only this month. If you bought the Samsung Galaxy Portal you should have had your 2.1 update in March; we still hadn’t received ours at the end of June, so we’re guessing you’re still waiting too.

The Dell Streak arrived after a deluge of pre-release newspaper and billboard advertising, yet it was knocked for six by its reliance on Android 1.6. Don’t worry, though, buy one now and an Android 2.2 update will be coming “this summer”. Phew! Good job you’re not relying on HTC, O2 and Dell all getting their jobs done in that time…

As long as this scattergun approach remains a fact of Android ownership, I can’t see any good reason why I should shell out. Sure, we’re told things will be improving, and when (if?) the updates can finally be pushed to all handsets simultaneously, I’ll reconsider my stance. But right now?

The iPhone 4 has a design issue that affects a very small number of users – just 0.55% if Apple’s tech support figures are to be trusted. Apple has acknowledged the flaw and offered an admittedly clunky fix for those who need it. If, without even trying one for yourself, you consider that a reason not to buy the iPhone 4, then don’t. But please don’t try to tell me your phone is perfect.

However, I can tell you how much it’s going to cost you. Unless you’re a T-Mobile customer, as that operator hasn’t gotten around to releasing its price list yet.

While everyone else has been enjoying the sunshine, the resurgence of the English football team, and camping in front of the Regents Street Apple store, I’ve been keeping my iPhone contract price spreadsheet updated, as a public service to you readers. Yes, my life is that exciting.

Here’s the latest version — don’t cry at the tiny numbers, clicking it will make it larger:

Update (8 July): T-Mobile has finally graced us with their price list, and the chart has been updated here.

Now, the absolutely cheapest way to get an iPhone 4 is to wait outside an Apple store for one of the early buyers to exit and mug them. They’ll be easy targets, tired from waiting up all night to be third in line and weak-at-the-knees with excitement at the success of their money-spending mission, but be careful, they’ll likely protect their beautiful new baby very fiercely.

If you want to keep it legal — and, of course, I recommend you do — the cheapest place to pick up a pay-as-you-go iPhone 4 is currently Tesco Mobile. The budget giant has undercut Orange on a pay-as-you-go SIM by a whole pound, selling the 16GB version for £479. Apple is selling it SIM-free for £499.

Of course, if you sign up for a whopping big contract, you can get the phone for no upfront cost, but you’ll have to be willing to pay £65/month for 18-months on 02 and Vodafone for the 16GB. The total cost of ownership on those works out to a whopping £1170, however. Opt for a slightly saner £25 or £35 contract over two years, and your initial outlay could be as little as £119. If you’re willing to commit for two years, Three has some very cheap upfront costs, with the 16GB version starting at £99 on the lowest tariff contract.

If you’re more of a long-term thinker, Tesco also offers the lowest total cost of ownership for contracts, and only ask a year-long commitment. Pay £349 upfront for a 16GB version on a £20/month contract, and your TCO will only be £589; you can upgrade to the 32GB edition for just £80 more.

For the record, I don’t own an iPhone myself, and obsessing over the prices has only confirmed I can’t afford one on my meagre journalist’s wage.