I can’t tell you where to actually get an iPhone 4 — they’re probably going to sell out quickly, based on the insane queues snaking out of every store stocking the Apple handset.

However, I can tell you how much it’s going to cost you. Unless you’re a T-Mobile customer, as that operator hasn’t gotten around to releasing its price list yet.

While everyone else has been enjoying the sunshine, the resurgence of the English football team, and camping in front of the Regents Street Apple store, I’ve been keeping my iPhone contract price spreadsheet updated, as a public service to you readers. Yes, my life is that exciting.

Here’s the latest version — don’t cry at the tiny numbers, clicking it will make it larger:

Update (8 July): T-Mobile has finally graced us with their price list, and the chart has been updated here.

Now, the absolutely cheapest way to get an iPhone 4 is to wait outside an Apple store for one of the early buyers to exit and mug them. They’ll be easy targets, tired from waiting up all night to be third in line and weak-at-the-knees with excitement at the success of their money-spending mission, but be careful, they’ll likely protect their beautiful new baby very fiercely.

If you want to keep it legal — and, of course, I recommend you do — the cheapest place to pick up a pay-as-you-go iPhone 4 is currently Tesco Mobile. The budget giant has undercut Orange on a pay-as-you-go SIM by a whole pound, selling the 16GB version for £479. Apple is selling it SIM-free for £499.

Of course, if you sign up for a whopping big contract, you can get the phone for no upfront cost, but you’ll have to be willing to pay £65/month for 18-months on 02 and Vodafone for the 16GB. The total cost of ownership on those works out to a whopping £1170, however. Opt for a slightly saner £25 or £35 contract over two years, and your initial outlay could be as little as £119. If you’re willing to commit for two years, Three has some very cheap upfront costs, with the 16GB version starting at £99 on the lowest tariff contract.

If you’re more of a long-term thinker, Tesco also offers the lowest total cost of ownership for contracts, and only ask a year-long commitment. Pay £349 upfront for a 16GB version on a £20/month contract, and your TCO will only be £589; you can upgrade to the 32GB edition for just £80 more.

For the record, I don’t own an iPhone myself, and obsessing over the prices has only confirmed I can’t afford one on my meagre journalist’s wage.