The results of the £250 challenge are in. I came last. A lot.

This must be what it’s like when the camera pans to you at the Oscars, a second after the presenter has announced that the idiot with the stupid hair has won the award you craved. Unfortunately, I’m not a Hollywood starlet and, more importantly, I’m not the type to sit and smile and pretend it was the taking part that counts.

I wanted to win, dammit. And not because I’m a bad loser. Which I am. And not because the Goodwill PC deserved to win. Which it did. But because I wanted technology to be about more than baubles and flashing lights and faster bits of metal. I wanted to introduce a little soul to proceedings – not mine, of course, which is currently a seething mass of wronged rage – but somebody’s, hopefully somebody nice than me.

Before I begin heckling the world through a bottle of Bourbon, I best elaborate on the road that led us here. Back in January, tanktop-loving, bespectacled editor Tim Danton sent five of us into the world to see what kind of PC we could get with pittance in our pockets. My colleagues received £250 each and I received a pat on the back. My PC had to be free. What followed was the sort of disaster movie even Freddie Krueger would feel ashamed taking part in. You can find the full, gory details elsewhere, but know that I searched a canal infested with hobos and I’m not even a little bit ashamed.

I really, really wanted to win.

I didn’t win, though. And I didn’t win, because the computer I ultimately delivered before Tim, and yourselves, had all the charm of a broken bottle. It was slow, ugly and extremely heavy. None of which mattered. Somebody had give it to me for free. They’d done this out of the kindness of their heart, and they’d offered me a free Ubuntu lesson in the bargain. The computer may have been rubbish, but it introduced me to a world of free stuff (through Freecycle) and charity and being nice. None of which I’ve ever tried before.

The £250 came close to changing my fundamental nature. It didn’t because I’m horrible, but it tried. For that dedication to a futile dream it deserved to win. Not to mention the fact that all the other entries were plain rubbish. Told you I was a bad loser.