There are wild rumours doing the rounds today that Apple is set to spend $700m on Twitter. Yes, Apple. The company that turns its nose up at anything without a double-digit profit margin is apparently going to buy a service that’s less profitable than a soup kitchen. Right oh. 

Here are ten things we think Apple is more likely to splash its cash on: 

1. Windows Mobile 

2. Poloneckdesigns.com

3. Greenpeace

4. Maggie Philbin

5. Replacing the Mac OS X interface with the Command Prompt

6. Pears

7. A TV advertising campaign entitled: “Windows, it’s alright actually”

8. A microphone for the Q&A session at the end of MacWorld

9. Cats in Bomber Jackets

10. A new house for Steve