These are the words of genteel socialite Courtenay Semel, after a Vegas bouncer questioned her right to be entering Caesar’s Palace given that she had more chemicals in her than a Chinese medal winner.

Aside from her lesbian dalliance with fellow wallflower Lindsay Lohan and her propensity for setting fire to the hair of ex-girlfriends, Ms Semel  is best known as the daughter of former-Yahoo CEO Terry Semel. All of which makes it rather lovely that she thought her best chance of escaping the handcuffs being slapped around her well-pampered wrists was Google, rather than Daddy’s-own Yahoo.

Terry is reportedly now so sick of his darling daughter’s antics that he’s cutting off her trust fund completely. A fact she will no doubt read about on Google news.

On a dreary Monday, Courtenay Semel has cheered me up no end and I can’t help but feel that here, all packaged up in garish garb, is the solution to all Yahoo’s problems. Put Semel Jr in charge and I guarantee Yahoo will be relevant once again.

You want Yahoo employers coming up with wacky off-the-wall ideas again? Let Semel cater the meeting. Want an immediate Flickr hits boost? Let Semel upload her personal photo collection. Ads? Semel will sell ads. She’s a one-woman keyword factory. Just splash her latest debauched antics over the front page and people will be clicking in droves.

So there it is. Yahoo’s saviour. And if you’re still in doubt, follow her advice and Google her.