So I’m in a battle with my colleagues Mike Jennings and David Bayon. I’ve somehow to come up with a PC that beats both of their efforts for no more than £250 inc VAT. But I’m restricted to buying mine directly from one of the shops lining both sides of Tottenham Court Road in London, between the junction at Oxford St and Goodge St Tube.

I am confident of success. For lo! I have a secret weapon.

The staff in most London shops are a canny bunch, legendary for sizing up the wherewithal of potential customers as soon as they walk in the shop and setting their prices to match. But I have a tool, faced with which all shopkeepers will buckle and, most likely, weep before giving me anything of my choice for mere pennies.

It’s a special, secret phrase that only I know about. What you have to do is you go into a shop, look dismissively at a piece of hardware and then say (casually, with a knowing air):

“What’s your best price on this?”

That’s the key phrase. Best price. It always, always works.

You need to be looking down your nose just a little bit, but not so much that you seem arrogant. It’s a look that has to say, “You and I are both men of the world, and I know that you know that what I’ve just said means I know your game and can match you in any fight.”

The other key tactic I’m going to use, obviously, is to snort derisively at the first price I’m offered, halve it and fire it right back. After all, as Eric Idle said, you’ve gotter ‘aggle.

Or was it Michael Palin?

Yeah okay, so I’ve haggled for an electronic item probably twice in my life and was terrified on both occasions. I tend to clear my throat, cheeks burning, and sort of squeak, “Erm, what’s, erm, your best, uh, price on this please?” like a teenager on his first terrifying foray into Boots to buy those things.

Help!

What are your best haggling techniques? How am I going to match the power of online buying in a central London shop with rental overheads? Any more tricks?

I thank you.