Dave Gorman is a very funny man. However, he’s lost his sense of humour over his faltering BT broadband connection, which disappeared down a black hole three days ago.

“I’m not a violent man but right now I would cheerfully hurt someone from BT,” Gorman writes on his blog. “In fact my sense of proportion has diminished to the point where I can’t work out if it would be in particularly bad taste to suggest that running Kris Marshall over again would be, well, satisfying. Probably.
Still, if he will advertise BT’s services…”

However, what piqued my interest was his superb suggestion of ISPs providing mobile broadband dongles to people whose landlines have given up the ghost: a courtesy connection in the same way garages provide a courtesy car when your runaround is being repaired.

Sadly, it seems BT (which, of course, flogged off its O2 mobile arm years ago) isn’t buying the idea, judging by Goram’s transcript of his conversation with the company’s “support” staff:

Do you want to help me solve the problem?
Yes.
You know those USB modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn’t it?
um…
Wouldn’t it?
… well…
It would wouldn’t it?
Yes.
So… can you, BT, provide me with one?
No.
Why not?
Because that’s not my department.
So whose department is it?
…um…
Could you put me through to the person who is able to make that decision?
I don’t think anyone can?
Of course they can. It’s possible. The things exist. Someone somewhere makes decisions.
I don’t think that’s how we deal with the problem…
I can see that. But so far you haven’t dealt with the problem. Have you?
um…
Have you?
Well…
It’s still not fixed is it?
No.
You know those USB modems that provide mobile internet access?
Yes.
One of those would solve the problem wouldn’t it?
um…
Wouldn’t it?
… well…
It would wouldn’t it?
Yes.