A letter arrives from O2 this morning, reminding me of the fantastic new 18 month contract I’ve just signed up for.

There’s the 600 free minutes (which, being a man, is 599 minutes more than I’ll actually need. Hi mum, by the way), 500 free texts and unlimited web browsing. And what’s this in paragraph three?

Barely able to contain my excitement, I flip over the page to find:

I can’t tell you how lucky I feel.